Friday, September 30, 2011

Dream the Dreams

DREAM THE DREAMS

Lord, may I dream the dreams
All parents, who’ve lost a child, want to dream
To see their child just one more time
Tonight Lord, may I have mine

Though I may not feel their touch
Only to see my child would mean so much
To hear their voice calling my name
I would feel I was with them once again

Lord, I'm glad my child is with You
Now once again I ask of You
Let me dream the dreams
All parents, who’ve lost a child, want to dream

To dream of my child to be healthy once more
Sharing our happiness together once more
Seeing my child so full of glee
Oh Lord, it would mean so much to me

Lord I hope You hear my prayer tonight
It's the same as all the other nights
Lord, may I dream the dreams
All parents, who've lost a child, want to dream

~ By Doyle Alldredge

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Stop Looking in the rear view mirror...

~ by Cherie Houston

Within months of our son Bobby’s death in September 2009, my daughter-in-law Jennifer (Bobby’s wife) and I and several friends met this amazing woman – Maureen Hancock…Maureen is blessed with several talents, one of which is helping people who are dying to become comfortable with what’s happening – the majority of her clients are children… Maureen is blessed, without a question, in being able to understand their fears and concerns which almost always have to do with the family they will soon be leaving behind..

Recently, Maureen made the following statement about one of her patients..

I Met the bravest woman last week~Mary A. She's down to the wire with her battle with ALS. She has a beautiful family that surrounds her in blankets of love. Her one question..."Will I get to see my children grow up?" YES! I assured her. For all those healthy & reading this w/children...are you watching them grow up? Don't live to work, work to live. Maureen Hancock

When I heard this, I thought of all of us who have lost our own children who often become so lost in our own grief and longing for our child who has died, that we unintentionally, but sadly forget about our family who is still living…Not that we mean to, but it is so easy to dwell on what we’ve lost, that sometimes we lose sight of what we still have…

It’s so important to begin to look and move forward – we can’t change what’s happened or what is behind is, but we can certainly have an impact on what is happening today at this moment and appreciate all the blessings we have – our own siblings, our significant others, maybe we are even blessed to have other children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, our own parents or in-laws, friends, associates – so many people who care about us..

Yes we all need to think about spending a little more time looking ahead instead of in the rear view mirror before it’s too late…

Thank you Maureen for this reminder...

Maureen Hancock is a nationally renowned spirit medium, teacher, lecturer, holistic healer, and author of the book, The Medium Next Door; co-founder of the non-profit organization, Mission for the Missing, providing assistance and equipment in missing children and adult cases. Maureen is an associate member of the Licensed Private Detective Association of Massachusetts. She has been featured in numerous articles and can be heard on radio stations around the country - she resides in a small town south of Boston, Massachusetts with her husband, two children and chocolate lab, Ally. Maureen, in my opinion is amazing..
check out Maureen's website:

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Mom's reflections......sound familiar?

Reflections of some moms about their thoughts, feelings and actions those first few months and years after the death of their child:



  • "I don’t have any answers as to why she died, but I know that my life has been enriched and totally changed by the gift of her life. I thank God for allowing me nineteen years with her.”

  • “I felt that I was the one who had to hold everything together and ‘make it better’ for everyone.”

  • “I hated shopping; I got ‘stuck’ in the supermarket once. I froze at the yogurt section when I couldn't remember who liked which flavor and which ones I didn’t need to buy anymore. The desire to dump the carriage and run was overwhelming.”

  • “I miss my adult son bounding through the door and saying “what’s up”… I was in a public the other day and heard someone say that and I froze, but once the chock wore off, it warmed my heart although the voice was nothing like his – the words made me smile

  • “I miss the beautiful cards my son always gave me – even after he married, his wife would choose one from “them”, but he always choose his own for me for every special occasion – I’m so thankful I saved them all”

  • “I miss the random phone calls from him just asking me about my day”

  • “I missed the physical closeness I longed to stroke the funny way his hair lay at the back of his neck!”

  • “School events are so hard - being so aware of other children moving on without my child.”

  • “My daily schedule was totally foreign to me and I couldn't adjust; the little bell in my head still went off at 3pm although I no longer had a child to pick up from school.”

  • “I remember being in the grocery tore after our 11 month old daughter died and putting her favorite foods in the cart – when I realized it, it took my breath away and I left the store in tears"

  • "The first time I got into bed at night and realized I had not thought about my child all day – not once – totally paralyzed me with fear. I feared that I was forgetting who and what they were, it took me a long time to forget that day and that feeling and to stop feeling overwhelmingly guilty"

  • "For me, I needed to talk about him continually; I couldn’t let a day go by that I didn’t bring up his name or stories about him in conversations – even though I didn’t do that for our living children; I think I was afraid if I didn’t do this everyone, including me, would forget him"

I’m sure you can relate to some of these and if you sent me your own (which you are welcome to do) I'm sure our list will become almost endless… and no matter how varied the thoughts, feelings, actions, deeds or reflections – they are all normal, and each is OK..


I hope you will agree with me, that each of these (some of which are considered grief triggers) but each is simply a result of our incredible love and bond with our children and for that we should never apologize to ourselves or anyone else but instead be grateful for our love for them and all they've given us from the moment they were conceived...


~ Cherie Houston

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Gratitude: The Key to Happiness

~ by Richard Edler, The Compassionate Friends

I am convinced that the real key to happiness is gratitude. I did not come upon this insight, I learned it from Dennis Prager, a wonderful and gifted man who is both author and talk show host for KNBC radio in Los Angeles. I give him all the credit. But I have thought a lot about this idea after my son, Mark, died seven years ago.

At first, I was offended by people who smiled or even laughed during the TCF support group meetings. These were the people who seemed to have somehow re-entered the land of the living. How dare they greet each other with hugs. How dare they laugh. How dare they appear normal when their children have died. But over the last seven years I have learned three valuable lessons.

Life goes on and we must too. Gradually the pain eases and the warm memories replace the sadness. A Gradually we return to life. One day we find that it is 11:00in the morning and we have not thought about our child yet. At first we feel guilt. But then we also realize we are going forward. We will never forget. But we decide that the loss of our child will not be the all-consuming factor in our life. We choose to enjoy friends again. We choose to go out to dinner again. We choose to laugh again. I am convinced that this is what our children would want for us. The pain does not bring our child back. It only makes us miserable without end.

Become grateful for what we have, not focused on what we lost. I see people in group meetings who have gong through “every parent’s nightmare” and want no part of life again. But, I ask that these compassionate friends also think about the ways they have been blessed, as well as hurt. In my experience, most people have more to be thankful for than they realize: health, other children, a loving family, a career they enjoy, financial security, life in a free country, a faith that works for them, a true best friend, a spouse who they love. Nobody has it all. But compared to most of the world, we have a lot.

The life we now lead will be better than it would have been. That does not make our child’s death a good thing. It just means that our child’s life mattered, and it has changed us forever. It means that in some small way the world will be better because our child lived, and we are the ones who can make it so. We have a new sense of priorities. We don’t “sweat the small stuff.” We know what matters, we know how deeply other people hurt, because we, too, have been there. We “know how they feel.” And when our life is different and better because our child lived, then that child is never forgotten.

Each of us would do anything in the world to go back in time, but we can’t. It is up to us now to go forward, and we can.

Monday, September 19, 2011

To My Beloved Son Bobby

TO MY BELOVED SON BOBBY

Dear Bobby, On the Second Anniversary of Your Going Home

I Wish I Could See You One More Time
Come Walking Through My Door
But, I Know That Is Impossible
I Will Hear Your Voice No More

I Have No Doubt You Feel My Tears
And Don’t Want Me To Cry
Yet, My Heart Is Still So Broken
No, I Still Can’t Fathom Why

Hard To Believe Two Years Have Passed
Since You Made That Decision
So Many Changes, So Many Tears
I Pray That Your Boys, Have The Life You Envisioned

I Pray Every Day That God Gives Us The Strength
To Help Us Find Peace And Help Us Get Through
As We Struggle With This Heartache
That Was Caused When We Lost You

So Much Has Happened, Some Good And Some Bad
But Despite All The Changes, Thoughts Of You Make Us Sad
And Through All My Tears, I Do Understand
God Didn't Take You From Us, He Simply Held Out His Hand

I Know That You Loved Us And I Feel You Nearby
Although We Can’t See You, Your Spirit Won’t Die
And I Know Without Doubt That When My Life Is Through
You’ll Be Waiting With Open Arms For Me To Join You

God How I Love You And Think Of You Daily
And The Day Your Walked Through Heaven's Gates
September 19, 2009



In Precious Memory Of My 36 Year Old Son Robert W. Wood
Adapted from a poem originally written by Teresa Shelton Bright

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Permission to Be Crazy

When the following excerpt from Eline Stillwell's book was first sent to me in a prayer card after my son Bobby's death, I was surpised by it. I remember thinking it a curious thing to receive - after all I didn't remember having done any of the things in the clipping when either of my two little girls, Randee or Robin died in the early 70's..

But now as we approach the second anniversary of Bobby's death, I realize that I obviously just forgot how crazy grief can make us - yes I was definitely wrong - oh so wrong...

Because since that horrible phone call on September 20th, shortly after midnight telling me that Bobby was gone forever - without a doubt I've done these and many other strange things since that horrible call... And I must admit it's comforting to know that I'm not crazy - I'm simply a mom who is learning to accept a new normal without another one of my children - so if I'm a little crazy from time to time, I know that it is OK.. there is no right or wrong to surviving a loss, but especially when the loss is that of a beloved child.


So please be patient with yourself on your journey through grief.. it's OK to be a little crazy - it's just normal... Cherie Houston...

~ by Elaine Stillwell from “Healing After Your Child’s Death”

It’s OK to do strange things, anything that gives your heart sense of peace, as long as you don’t hurt someone.

Whether you’re running down the beach, standing in the shower, or riding in your car screaming at the top of your lungs, releasing balloons with notes attached, talking to an empty chair, wearing their clothes, baking a cake for their birthday, signing their name on cards, decorating their grave with things they loved, or collecting angels in their memory ~ it’s OK.

No excuses are necessary.

You have learned to do what your heart needs, and that is a BIG step!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

An Angel Never Dies

AN ANGEL NEVER DIES

Don’t let them say I wasn’t born
That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
I’ve loved you from the start

Although my body you can’t hold.
It doesn’t mean I am gone,
This world was worthy, not, of me,
God chose that I move on

I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face,
You have my word, I’ll fill you arms,
Someday we will embrace.

You’ll hear that it was “meant to be,
God doesn’t make mistakes”,
But that wont soften your worst blow,
Or make your heart not ache,

I’m watching over all you ,
Another child you’ll bear,
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there

There’ll come a time, I promise you,
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips,
And then you’ll understand

Although I’ve never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes,
That doesn’t mean I never “was”
An angel never dies….

~Unknown Author~

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Blessing of a Friend who Cares

~ by Henri Nouwen

When we honestly ask ourselves which person means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.

A true friend can and will be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion..

A true friend can and will stay with us in our hour of grief and bereavement..

A true friend can and will tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing..

A true friend can and will face with us the reality of our powerlessness..

Yes that indeed is a true friend, one who cares.

Yes a true friend who cares is a blessing indeed...

And remember:

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet

when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Tribute to all the mom's who lost children on 9/11

I want to thank Paula Abrahms from Schnectedy, NY (herself a mom who has lost 2 children - Danielle in 1984 and Steven in 1999) for sending this to me for our blog today. I hope you will join me in this prayer, as we all remember all the mom's who lost children on that dreadful morning that we now refer to as 9/11. Cherie Houston

On a beautiful Tuesday morning, ten years ago today “September 11th, 2001” in just moments, 2,996 mothers lost their children. Of the 2,996 – this includes the 2,977 innocent victims and the 19 highjackers.

Yes that morning mothers of 246 victims were on the four planes, the two that struck the towers in New York, the one that struck the Pentagon and the 4th that went down in a field in Shanksville, PA; mothers of 2,606victims in New York City who were in the towers or on the ground, mothers of 125 at the Pentagon in Washington. Not that it matters to these moms, but of all the deaths that morning, all were innocent civilians except for 55 innocent military personnel who were killed in the attack on the Pentagon…

This morning please join us and take a moment to remember these moms and their entire extended families, who continue on the same journey that we are each on. And I hope that you will also join take a moment to say this prayer, that we ~ like they, can find the strength needed to continue moving forward on this journey from mourning to joy.

This day is remembered and quietly kept
I pray to God that we never forget,
Yes the blow was hard, the shock severe,
So many lost, so much fear amidst the tears

I pray its true they still live on in the hearts and minds,
Of the loving families, that they left behind
No longer here in our life to share,
But in our hearts – they are always there

Our love for them and theirs for us, can never go away,
I think they are with us every day
Unseen and unheard, but always near,
So loved, so missed, and so very dear.

Yes its hard for sure when we’re left behind
Trying to move forward, praying for some peace of mind
Time and faith and kinds words when spoken
Will help heal our hearts that were so badly broken



Good Lord Above
Please grant strength and peace
to all 9/11 moms and families





And take a moment to visit the website dedicated to the 911 Memorial being dedicated today in New York City, NY in memory of all who lost their lives...


http://www.911memorial.org/




Friday, September 9, 2011

Life Is A Simple Walk In The Woods

LIFE IS A SIMPLE WALK IN THE WOODS
~ Author Unknown ~


I was told the “first year” would be the hardest. I set my sights on surviving through the first anniversary of my son Ross’s death, telling myself that it would be all downhill from there. If I could just keep going long enough to scale that summit!

Everyone talked about the “path of grief” being full of ups and downs, hills and valleys.“You can’t go around it, over it or under it, you simply HAVE to go through it!”

I was also told that my husband and I would not walk the same path. We started out fine, trudging through the woods, holding hands, telling ourselves that we’d spent 16 years together, we’d be just fine. His path slowly led away from mine, but seemed to run parallel for a time – I’d catch a glimpse of him in the woods every once in a while.

Then came that fateful First Anniversary. I scaled that mountain! I sat there all alone with my pile of Mickey Mouse clothes, little cars and well-meaning friends. I had done it! It was incredibly hard work, insurmountable at times, but here I was still alive, without my child.

Without my child. I felt my heart grow cold as I surveyed the path ahead – the rest of my life. The terrain was just as treacherous as the past 12 months! I guess I expected it to be sunlit fields of flowers from then on. After all, everyone had said, “Just get through that first year.” I didn’t know I had to do this forever!

I sat on that peak for quite some time. I yelled at God for a while, I hugged all my son’s treasures that I’d carried with me, his precious memory warming my cold heart, and I searched for any other movement in the valley below. In the distance I could see other peaks along my path, some perhaps as tall as the one upon which I sat. I also began to see tiny clearing where the sun was shining. As my tears slowed, I noticed other paths winding through the landscape – hundreds of them – each belonging to a different parent.

I carefully packed my treasures in my heart, storing them with care so none would break, and started running down the hill, headlong into the second year of forever.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Services for Don Floyd

As promised, Don & Joyce Floyd's daughter Donna, has shared the following information regarding the services that are scheduled for her dad..

So many of you have asked what you can do to help Joyce and her family. At this moment, I don't think there is anything - any of us can do. But if you recall with our own experiences, the weeks and months ahead are when she will truly need all of our support - whether that is someone to help with the household chores (especially those that Don always took care of); or to prepare a meal or two (or better yet an invitation to dinner), to be there to hold her hand or just hold her....... but again, we will try to keep you posted... In the meantime, we would ask that you continue to keep Joyce and her family in your prayers...

Here is Donna's note about the services... as always if you know someone else who should receive this information, please pass it on so that Joyce and her family will have as much support as possible..

Dearest Family and Friends

We will have two services for Dad, locations and times are as follows:

Lake Havasu Service
Saturday, September 10. 2011 @ 11:00 am
Calvary Baptist Church
1605 S. McCulloch
Lake Havasu City, AZ 86406
(928) 855-6533

California Service
Monday, September 12, 2011 @ 10:30 am
Forest Lawn Memorial Park HopeChapel
4471 Lincoln Avenue
Cypress, CA 90630
1-800-204-3131

We hope you will be able to come help us honor him and celebrate his life.
Much Love - Donna Michelle, the middle child

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Prayers for the Floyd Family

Again we are asking for your prayers for Don & Joyce Floyd and their family.. Their daughter Donna posted the following on Don's caring bridge site last night - I in turn am posting it here and will send an email to all our moms whose email addresses I have... We know God is good and ask that he give Don and Joyce and their entire family the strength they will need in the coming days...

Dearest Family and Friends,
After a difficult meeting this morning with the two ICU doctors administering Dad’s care, and their consultation with his Mayo Pulmonary specialist, it is clear that his situation will not be improving. After hearing all the options, Dad’s decision was to go into hospice care. Which means all the IV’s will be removed and the only measures of care for him now will be just those that bring him physical comfort.

He isn’t in the kind of pain one usually associates with cancer, however he is suffering considerably trying to breath. He will remain on an oxygen mask to help him breath.

He is being moved to an in-patient hospice room, which is much larger, and doesn’t have visiting restrictions. We can bring a few of his favorite things give him comfort.

Dad has been a mighty man in his lifetime, and we all know, as my brother David said this morning, that when he stands at the gates of Heaven, he will hear the words “Well done, good and faithful servant”.

We are all incredibly heartbroken at this point but the heartbreak we see in Mom and Dad is a testament of what true love is really about. Please keep them both especially close to your hearts.

Dad is still very conscious at this time and we are treasuring the time he spends with each of us, and he has said that although he doesn’t want to leave us, he is at complete peace.

As much as we have loved and appreciated the visits from our friends, we would like to request that now his time is saved to spend with his family or Pastor. Thank you for understanding and honoring our precious time with him.
We still have family coming in from out of town and are praying he will hold on for a few more days.

Please continue to pray for our Lord to rain down the peace that passes all understanding, and the grace that only comes from Him, as we rest our weary selves in His presence.

Thank you for your love and support.
Much love,
Donna Michelle, the middle child